i think i've reach de most bottom of my life today. slashes and blue black everywhere of me.

i just couldnt resist for not making myself hurt. i just cant love myself. tats simply isnt me. problems started from morning till night. happen to saw BF msn offline msg. simply stun and cold. just dunno who happen to disturb and let me saw tat. and silly me went to belive wat i saw den listening to my own BF explaination. i guess its phobia. den BF pop in surprising me with MCgriddles and him. im happy till lost of words. only to keep smiling.

den went over to his hse to slack. and saw something which i just dont like. im just typically selfish and lack of confidence. i feel so shared. i just wans de care and concern only on me. but BF is right. we nid to care for our frens regardless of race or sex. phobia phobia. i just so so scare of losing him tat i show it de rong way. and its totally isnt going right. stupid me. i knew i can overcome it. sooner.. i guess. i just nid some time BF.

den went to have BBALL game with him. bruises and hurt over my whole body. couldnt play while. sry BF. throwing temper again. saying those hurtful words to u during at de court. tell u de truth. i wouldnt return to him. i wont. i just wants u in my life. i have no idea of giving up. no tots of giving up. i just couldnt bear losing u. its like cutting off a piece of me. and i dont care whether r we meant to be tgt or not. coz i noe right nw im with u. and im still urs right nw! even if im de weakest link among ur EXs. i belive 1 day. u will see something good in me tat shine right over them. i admit my temper isnt good. im short tempered. and i promises to change. even i cant. i will avoid. its just always over react. and temper show. and thx to BF. ur tender loving care. ur faith. ur love.









Dear,
no matter wat happens. no matter how hard is it facing ur family or ur frens. i will eat it down like hotdog. chew it, swallow it and digest it. i wont vomit it out. i rmb i said b4. im with u. i love u. i nid to love everything of u. anthing related to u. and i'll show and i've show it to u. u noe im not good at words. not good at expressing. but i really hope tat u r happy. watever i do its really for de sake for ur smile. im willing to do anything everything just to see u smile. i noe i always bring u trouble and fights. thx dear. thx for enduring me taking me. thx for de effort u put in. be there whenever i nid u. covering and showering me when im down. de way u hold me down shouting at me. im totally lost. totally soft. u sound fierce. but i sense ur heart telling me. "Dear, stop doing tat to urself. its hurting me" i just couldnt stop crying. den i just cant face tat day of losing u.

u will nv noe how special u r. i noe i always say those hurtful words. piercing u. i cant promise i wont say those again. but dear. trust urself and me. u r already good enuff. very good enuff. i always couldnt belive u r mine. if can. i rather chose not to. im really super afraid of losing u. BF. u r very beautiful. very...